“How are you” = “I am so BUSY”:
A simple question”How are you?”, the answer I get often is “I am so busy, it’s crazy”. Wait, think about the answer for a moment. I started asking people after 5 minutes of meeting them not immediately. Not only that they would answer that I am so busy, often they would list the things that are still pending. Please don’t answer with a TO DO LIST for a very simple question “HOW ARE YOU?”
We are so divorced from our feelings that we can’t even think how we are feeling in real life! Think before you answer this simple question. I am not looking for a productivity update to connect, or sometimes I feel you are sympathising with yourself. We have trained our minds to believe that more tasks and activities we have back to back, the more successful we are in life. REALLY!!!
Coping with work beyond capacity and being Busy all the time has become “A STATUS SYMBOL”.
“Status Symbol”:
Intrigued by this phenomenon,I started observing people how signaling busyness at work influences perceptions of status in the eyes of others. People who complain endlessly about being overworked and overwhelmed may be sending others a less-than-subtle message: “I’m more important than you.”
“COME ON WE ALL ARE BUSY”:
You have to agree we live in a busy world. Definitely work takes up almost 40% of the day, the other 60% of the day goes to sleep or to activities for entertainment, fitness, etc. Come on we all follow more or less the same routine. So if you tell someone you’re busy, what are you really revealing about yourself? Nothing much really!
“COMPETITION WITH YOUR DEVICE”:
Sometimes we are expecting too much from ourselves, trying to compete with computers and smartphones, don’t forget they can work non stop, even when they are on charging. When we are charging ourselves (sleeping or resting) we can’t work at that time. Are we aspiring to become Machines that never stop, and in return get poor Health and Performance.
“Busyness competition”:
So why do we keep repeating how busy we are when the message is largely pointless? Because being busy has become the modern day status symbol. Being busy means that we’re doing many things. That we have a full life. That our time is precious. In short, it says ”I’m important”. Either way, we love our busyness mantra because, ironically, it makes us feel special.
When you say you’re busy, not only do you become more busy, you also become less able to do anything about it.
“Humble-brags”:
Humble bragging is when people say something boastful about their lives while downplaying it under a guise of humility or self-deprecating humour. “Humble-brags” are a form of showing off by pretending to be affected by being busy all the time in self-deprecation. They are commonly found on Social Media. The posts have one thing in common: a tendency to complain about ‘having no life’ or ‘being in desperate need for a vacation.’ ” They think that being busy and even ‘stressed’ is socially desirable.”
“Busy status”:
Busy status updates included posts such as ‘Oh I have been working non-stop all week!’ and ‘Quick 10 minute lunch’ while in real leisurely posts or the real post must include ‘Enjoying a long lunch break’ and ‘I haven’t worked much this week, had lots of free time’! I feel that the more we believe that people have the opportunity for social affirmation based on hard work, the more we tend to think that people who skip leisure and work all the time are of higher standing. Instead of buying expensive things, people now use busyness to show their high status. New research finds that many celebrities use social media to boast about their lack of time, not their wealth (Not a good example if ‘Time is Money’!
It’s a common misconception that appearing to be busy is a signal that you’re valuable And there might have been a time when that was true, until it became an unthinking, default response. But what people really hear is something vastly different. It’s as if you are asking to be judged on how busy you seem, not how productive you really are!! The real message you’re sending is “I’m not very good at prioritising my time” and, at the moment, you’re not a priority at all. Rather than making a positive impression, you’re more likely to be seen as inefficient and rude.
“Busy people don’t make things happen”:
Things just happen to them. Life just happens to them. You want to flip that around: to be proactive instead of reactive, to do instead of be done upon. Effectiveness should be your goal, not busyness. But being busy feels good. The human brain loves feeling busy. You get a dopamine rush every time you cross off an item from your to-do list. It doesn’t matter if the item you’re crossing off is important or not, you still get a rush. Telling others that you’re busy is an ego boost and makes you feel important.
Will these things bring you closer to your goals? If the answer is no, say no.
“Your sense of overload isn’t unique”:
Rattling off the reasons we’re busy can feel like a badge of honour. But the truth is, people aren’t impressed. And worse, the impression they’re really getting about you can sabotage your career and relationships. Common sometimes boring) narrative. It starts with personal self stories, then culture, education, job, relationship, marriage and kids. (marriage and kids stories are becoming optional though). New to the list is being busy. Sharing these stories is bad for our general mental health – by supporting the busyness narrative we’re strengthening a toxic helplessness in our society. We’re basically saying that “It’s okay to be a victim of your own life. We all are.”
These stories are not in our DNA- good news it can be changed.
If we wouldn’t talk about being busy all the time, it’s possible we could live with less stress and more joy.
Without the word ‘BUSY’ Our stories become more interesting.
Tell a different story, and you’ll end up living it.
Let’s avoid these stories of helplessness in the face of life. Let’s instead try out different stories, and enrich our lives with more honest, engaging dialogue and human encounter. Maybe, just maybe, our lives will also change as a result.
And next time someone asks you how things are going, pause before you fall back on the busy answer. Instead, use it as an opportunity to say something interesting.
Be creative, say something that you’re engaged with or excited about; something you’re working on, something that you’ve done at the weekend. One
thing is certain; telling someone at length about how busy you are will not enhance your career or create a happy moment for either of you.
